Relationship Counselling

Be Each Others Best Friend

At the time you committed yourself to being married, you probably had a lot of ‘best friends’ which might include childhood playmates, people with whom you would ‘hang out’ or share dates, highschool/college chums with whom you shared some of your most innermost feelings. It is good if you have some of these best friends, and you will have lifetime memories of moments or hours spent together. These ‘best friends’ will not and should not be replaced when you decide to live the rest of your life with your soul mate.

If you are not yet married, and you meet someone who attracts you, you feel an excitement you have never experienced before. This could come at the most unexpected moment. Some people have been looking for such a relationship for some time, but others are taken completely by surprise. As you become better acquainted, this might develop into a feeling of love and attraction immediately, but it also may develop over a longer time period. You begin to feel something new – a sense of peace or relaxation when you are together – that you may never have felt before.

The important thing to remember is this: a mental or physical attraction could be a temporary emotion and never lead to the desire to spend the rest of your life with this person as his/her best friend. If this is the case, it won’t take long to realize that if you were together for a period of time, you could soon feel frustrated, with a feeling of obligation rather than desire, and the quicker you terminate such a relationship, the happier you both will be.

If your relationship continues to bring you inner peace, tranquility, and the excitement of true love, enjoy yourself when you are together, overlooking any tiny differences you may have, and appreciate your companion’s attributes instead of dwelling on minor shortcomings.

Honesty is always the best policy in love as well as hate; you never incur anyone’s wrath when you are truly honest and will earn respect from everyone. It takes a long time to earn this type of respect, but only a moment to destroy it when you make excuses or are dishonest. So if this you and you’d like to avoid the need for relationship counselling, please read on.

Treat Your Spouse As You Would Treat Your Best Friend

Have you seen a couple walking down the street with one of the partners walking about ten feet in front of the other, with absolutely no regard as to whether the other partner is following behind, or might have fallen stepping up or down from the curb?

Have you watched a couple eating in a restaurant, not saying a word to each other?

What did you think about this? It looks pretty cold and uncaring, doesn’t it?

You can pretty well guess they have been together for some time and there is not much spark left in their relationship.

Would this likely happen if he/she would be walking with or eating with a friend – or maybe even a comparative stranger? I don’t think so.

If you allow your partnership to deteriorate to this stage, it could be the beginning of the end of your relationship. What might seem to be an unimportant stage of boredom in your marriage could grow into something much more serious.

Have you ever met someone with such a sweet, friendly smile on his/her face that you automatically want to smile right back and feel this is someone you would really like to get to know better?

What a pleasant experience!

On the other hand, have you ever stopped someone to ask for directions, or assistance, only to be brushed off as though they thought you were going to ask them to borrow money?

How did this make you feel?

Either of these attitudes could apply to dealing with your partner. If someone makes a mistake and you let them know that you have no tolerance for forgetfulness or mistakes, it will be a sure thing that it won’t be long before the situation will be reversed and you will find yourself on the receiving end of impatience and intolerance.

Of course, I don’t recommend that you be kind to someone else only for your own protection. It would be nice if this might come naturally when dealing with a partner, as well as a stranger.

Try confronting your partner with understanding and patience when a mistake is made. I think you will discover it will be like “putting money in the bank for a rainy day” – when the situation is reversed, you will appreciate an understanding partner.

No One Is Perfect and That Includes You

During your lifetime, have you had someone promise you they would do something for you, only to find out that person forgot all about that promise? Or. . .have you discovered a typographical error in an important document, which someone else prepared for you? How did you respond to the perpetrators of these oversights? Were you forgiving and understanding, or did you chide them, indicating that you had “never done such a thing!’

If you are guilty of this unbecoming behavior, I wonder if within a short period of time, you found yourself doing the same thing – like forgetting a promise you made, or discovering an error in an important document for which you were responsible – only to have the recipient of these errors assure you that it was not important enough for them to “make a big deal about it” – and you sheepishly recalled your reaction to someone else’s oversight or forgetfulness.

Greet Your PArtner With Smiles In The Morning

When you wake up in the morning, do you feel like “whistling a happy tune’ or do you most always get out on the wrong side of the bed? How nice it would be if each one of us could be a morning person and greet our partner, spouse, or children with a smile on our face! Wouldn’t this just “make anyone’s day” if they were feeling a little discouraged and you greeted them with a warm smile and a sincere “How Are You?”

If I were a gambler, I would be willing to bet that person would remember you more than once during the rest of the day. Wouldn’t that be rewarding to you, if you had any way of finding this out?

A cheerful person is so much more fun to be around than someone who constantly talks about their aches and pains, their troubles, or bad luck!

Try a little experiment and see how much better YOU feel, too!

Treat Your Partner With Affection All Day Not Just In Bed

This may sound like it is directed only to MEN – but believe it or not – there are WOMEN guilty of ignoring this commandment as well.

During the first months (or maybe even years) of a relationship, it isn’t difficult to show your “loved one” a lot of affection whether in or out of bed. Many of you readers realize that often we take our frustrations out on the people we love the most. How unfortunate we so often are nicer to someone from whom we expect something in return.

Have you ever heard “If you can’t be nice to me during the day, don’t bother to be nice to me at night.” If you have, take heed, and try being nice all day!

If You Need To Drink – Do It In Moderation

It is not necessary to be a teetotaler to stay out of trouble at a bar or a cocktail party, but there certainly would be a lot fewer arguments, fights, or misunderstandings if we all were able to control ourselves when there is alcohol around. I would estimate at least 75% of all divorces, hard feelings, and misunderstandings begin by one’s drinking more liquor than one can hold.

It you are inhibited to the point that you are not able to be sociable without having one drink or more, perhaps you should take a course in personal relations. The time and cost of such a course probably would be less than learning moderation the hard way.

Share The Responsibilities Equally

If you can remember the days when a couple or a family were able to pay their bills with only one person in the home receiving a paycheck, you are remembering what we laughingly refer to as “the olden days” when inside work was the responsibility of the woman and the outside work was the responsibility of the man. Whether those days stemmed from male chauvinism or the fact that in rural areas men found it necessary to work from sunup to sundown, and women worked equally as long, those days are gone forever!

Since our economy presently demands that there are two breadwinners in each household, men and women are sharing the household and/or parental duties equally. There is even such a thing as “Mr. Mom” in cases where the mother has a better paying profession than the father, and he is willing to switch roles. If this is an agreeable arrangement in a marriage, there is nothing wrong with it.

The household runs more smoothly when a couple realizes there is no such thing as “the man’s work” or “the woman’s work” and both are willing to pitch in to make it easier for the partner.

Think Before You Act

This rule applies particularly if your nature is to have a chip on your shoulder or if you are prone to be a little hotheaded. How many times have you ended up embarrassed and with your foot in your mouth because you thought you knew what your partner was going to say before it was said?

Good advice: If you might have had a stressful day or an unpleasant conversation at your work place, you may be ready to jump down your partner’s throat at the least little thing that is said. If you find yourself in this “mood” it would be better if you spend a little time alone – even just 10 or 15 minutes – before you go home where the opportunity might prompt you to “fly off the handle” at your partner unnecessarily. This advice could be cheap prevention insurance.

Remember That Loving Your Partner Is A Fulltime Committment

This is probably the most important of all the above commandments. Obviously, if you love someone enough, the first nine commandments will fall in place naturally.

Loving someone does not take a lot of effort if you give of your love voluntarily. Being a couple, you automatically want to be considerate, generous, affectionate, trusting, and sincere. If you can’t offer these qualities without expecting anything in return, you are not “in love”, as you would want your partner to be with YOU.

Usually, if you go out of your way to be thoughtful, you will be rewarded in many ways. Just the satisfaction you feel inside should be sufficient reward if you are sincere.

Don’t wait until it is too late to tell your partner how much you love him/her. How many times do those three little words go unsaid?

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